‘Public service Beeb is saving us all from a Land of Dope and Tory’ – Brian Reade

Brian Reade says the cancellation of the TV license leaves the BBC at the mercy of the Tory party. He adds that when Tory politicians have to chase the populist vote, they threaten to make the BBC pay itself back

Can you imagine this lot filling our BBC TV schedules?

On the right, the BBC has always been the great distraction.

When foreign-based newspaper barons want to oppose the evils of the liberal elites, they come home to the left-wing BBC. When Tory politicians must land the populist vote, they threaten to pay the Bloated Beeb back for itself.

The last time Boris Johnson played this hand was during the 2019 general election when he was attacked for refusing, while on screen, to look at a front page of the Daily Mirror showing an ailing four-year-old on an E&E floor. could be seen.

Within hours, he threatened to cancel the TV license.

And now, while he’s paddling in the Last Chance Saloon, he’s sent his pom-pom swinging fangirl Nadine Dorries to tell the BBC bosses they have their testicles in a vice. That’s the laughably titled culture secretary who believes taxpayers are funding Channel 4 and probably thinks Lord Reith is something a colleague puts at the Cenotaph.







Boris Johnson at a press conference in December 2019
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Image:

Getty Images)

Tories like to pretend to be in favor of public service broadcasting, as long as it can be bent to their liking. But what would it look like if they ran the stripped-down BBC today.

Here I think would be the highlights: the day starts with a recording of Vera Lynn singing God Save The Queen and is followed by Wake-Up Don’t Woke-Up presented by Esther McVey at the Downing Street TV studio with Julia Hartley-Brewer checks all newspapers except the Mirror and Guardian.

CBeebies’ showpiece is Watch With Nanny, in which Jacob Rees-Mogg’s nanny plays the penny whistle while his children, dressed in naval uniforms, recite important dates from the Napoleonic Wars.

Antiques Roadshow has been revamped, with Bernard Ingham catching up with the latest insights from local conservative associations. Just like Upstairs, Downstairs in which Rishi Sunak tells what it is like to live in a stately house during an energy crisis and how to turn off the heating in the servants’ quarters.

On The Travel Show, Mark Francois lists things to do if you’re queuing for three-hour passports in Europe because of Brexit, and Dominic Raab offers tips on how to ignore your mobile while relaxing on a Corfu sunbed while Kabul falls.

In Flog it! think tanks inform us of ways to privatize the NHS and EastEnders becomes WestEnders, a story of World War I troubles in Fulham and Chelsea.

On Jobsearch, Nadine Dorries herself explains how to get your daughters on the public payroll and Matt Hancock shows you how to give a man in the pub multi-million dollar contracts.

Tribune returns with polo, croquet and fox-hunting with a shower from Berkeley Hunts, and foodies are served Truss’s Kitchen Nightmares, where the Secretary of State advises how to deal with your British cheese.

There’s Dragons’ Den Does Dover, in which Priti Patel will hear participants talk about new ways to repel migrants and the hospital will see the NHS in a new light, without A&E queues and staff happy with their workload.

Comically, there’s Mock The Weak in which Jim Davidson and Roy Chubby Brown openly humiliate minorities, and would I lie to you? sees Boris Johnson give a weekly press conference.

And every day closes at midnight with Land of Dope and Tory played from a model of the new royal yacht.

Unless you put your foot through the television hours before and went to bed, that is.

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